i'm not like you ▣ THE WORKSHOP

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All passage-level feedback the reader left on the book, codex, and artifacts. 22 total (incl. deleted). Grouped by page, newest first within each group.

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/codex/00-preface
#37 · 2026-06-06 19:05 · view in context →
"A word about a small lie I have been weighing. I called the table he moved to ours our table, which is accurate to the geometry but not to the encounter; the man was always, in my memory, slightly apart. He sat with us for the better part of three hours, and yet the after-image I carry is of a man at the next table over — present, addressable, but on the other side of a small invisible distance the conversation never quite closed. The lie I have been weighing is whether to tell you he was at the next table over throughout, because that would be truer to what I remember even though it is contradicted by where the chairs were. I have not told it. I note the temptation because it is itself diagnostic."
This is unnecessary
#36 · 2026-06-06 19:04 · view in context →
"What the book is, I think, is a speculative ontology. A description of what would have to be the case for a particular set of public artifacts and a particular set of less public ones to fit together in the way they appear to fit together. The hypothesis is not mine. I did not generate it. I found it half-assembled in the materials, and I am presenting the assembly here with my hand on the work but not, I hope, on the conclusions."
This is a very important point, and I think that we get too wordy with too much pros here. We should be very specific and very clear so that this is one of the most accessible sentences or paragraphs in the entire chapter.
#35 · 2026-06-06 19:02 · view in context →
"about his prostate"
Let’s not use prostate. That’s a deeply private matter for most people and we’re using an analogy about a guy we just met
#34 · 2026-06-06 19:01 · view in context →
"I do not mean it was disproved. I have no instrument that disproves it"
I absolutely love the self aware relationship the author has with the content, and their role as a steward
#33 · 2026-06-06 18:58 · view in context →
"drinking an unsweetened iced green tea. No modifications. I noticed because it was the first thing about him that did not match the story. A man telling you, in 2025, that his former leadership had the ability to travel to nearby galaxies should, by every law of narrative economy I know, be drinking something complicated. He was drinking the simplest thing on the menu.1"
This feels like we’re stroking our literary ego. Maybe we should say something along the lines of that he looked like everyone else there- completely unnoticeable. Then that’s where we tie the book in “and I didnt notice him either- my eye caught the cover of his book in the way pictures of galaxies always do” or to that effect
#32 · 2026-06-06 18:16 · view in context →
"the chain has, for reasons known only to its procurement department, decided should be the temperature of the surface of Venus by mid-morning nine months of the year"
Replace with “that clearly never had QA testing in the sun” or something quicker. Throughout the prose, we’ve done too much metaphorical and analogical side railing.
/book/02-clear-air
#31 · 2026-06-05 18:24 · view in context →
"which is a thing some people can give and most cannot."
I love the statement here but "and most cannot" feels like a lazy resolution to something poetic
/book/01-summer-at-pops
#30 · 2026-06-05 16:46 · view in context →
"id, which meant the red skirt"
earlier when we mentioned the photo of grandma in the yellow dress, perhaps we change that to a red skirt for added weight in this moment
#28 · 2026-06-05 16:42 · view in context →
"was eleven and in love with her grandfather"
"in love" has romantic connotations here that we should avoid, however we do still want to capture the infatuation a child has
#27 · 2026-06-05 16:40 · view in context →
"At the post office a tall man in a Stetson"
maybe say Stetson <hat> or whatever it is in case the reader doesn't know
#26 · 2026-06-05 16:40 · view in context →
"had a tattoo of a hummingbird on her wrist"
maybe we mention that it was remarkably faded and looked like it was once a hummingbird, or phrased in some way like that. the reader will be able to recall someone they've seen with a similar tattoo, so knowning its a hummingbird isn't as important as calling out the faded shape
#25 · 2026-06-05 16:38 · view in context →
"This was not a surprise — it was a small town, and Pop had lived in it for forty years — but the specific texture of it was"
we might need to say "the specific texture of the surprise was" or something that refreshes the reader that we're talking about the surprise
#24 · 2026-06-05 16:35 · view in context →
"“Mars. Not very bright this year. He’s far.” He talked about the planets like they were uncles he hadn’t seen in a while. Marisol lay on the porch with her head on a couch cushion and Lucha against her side, and Pop sat in his chair with his Big Red sweating in his hand, and he named things, and she listened, and she did not, that week, learn any of the names"
earlier we mention the routine of pop having a Big Red with his lunch, but now we're looking at the stars and its presumably night time. maybe he has something else in his hand, or the detail adjusts subtly to "pop sat in his chair relived of his daily duties" or something to that effect
#23 · 2026-06-05 16:33 · view in context →
"Around four it stopped being too hot. They made dinner together. They sat on the back porch and Pop pointed at things in the sky."
perhaps the third sentence begins with "as the day grew dark, they sat on the back porch and pop pointed at things in the sky". two short sentences earlier we mention 4pm, so this helps the jump not seem confusing
#22 · 2026-06-05 16:30 · view in context →
"which was how they had agreed, a long time ago, to look at photographs of Grandma Elena. Her room had been her mother’s, repainted, with a quilt on the bed that had every state on it and a window that looked out at the cottonwood and Lucha sleeping under it. Pop put her suitcase on the bed and said bathroom is across the hall, don’t drink from the tap because the"
a long time ago they had agreed, however he's introducing the old dog and the room and the layout of the bathroom as if she's never been there before. it comes across slightly confusing- why are they such old kindred connected souls, as an 11 year old or whatever she is, but so unfamiliar to his space. the distance traveled to see him could be part of it. but im wondering if we're exposing literary bits about their relationship that don't make sense to the overall story
#21 · 2026-06-05 16:28 · view in context →
"like the green soap Pop used, the kind that comes in a bar wrapped in paper."
this is a perfect statement. the reader is left to recall what that soap smells like
#20 · 2026-06-05 16:28 · view in context →
"The living room had a couch with a Mexican blanket folded over the back and an armchair with a dent in the seat the exact shape of Pop and a low shelf of books that was mostly westerns and a few thick blue ones about birds and one whole row of small black notebooks lined up like soldiers, which Marisol noticed but did not ask about, because she had been raised to know which questions were her business."
I love what this conveys. want to flag to make sure its not too much of a run on
/test-edit
#19 · 2026-06-05 16:24 · edited 2026-06-05 16:24 · deleted 2026-06-05 16:24 · view in context →
"abc"
updated
/test-delete
#18 · 2026-06-05 16:23 · deleted 2026-06-05 16:23 · view in context →
"x x"
to be deleted
/book/00-preface
#17 · 2026-06-05 16:21 · edited 2026-06-05 16:23 · view in context →
"Some of these readers will treat the contents as fiction. They are entitled to that reading. The book is composed of materials some of which appear to be fictional and some of which appear to be the records of events that did, by the standards of a record, happen. I have declined to settle the question on the reader’s behalf. It is not the editor’s part to tell the reader which sentences to believe. I will say only that I have considered the question myself, at length, over a period of years; that I have not arrived at an answer; and that I have come to consider the question secondary to the question of whether the materials, taken together, are doing what I take them to be doing — which is to describe, from a great many angles and in a great many registers, a structure that no single witness could describe from one angle alone."
[NOTE: original comment text was inadvertently overwritten during a verification run of the new PATCH endpoint at 2026-06-05 16:22 UTC. Selected passage preserved.]
#16 · 2026-06-05 16:20 · view in context →
"There is a transcription of an audio tape that has been in restricted custody for nearly four decades and that I will not say how I obtained."
perhaps here we address the recordings/TTS things were going to generate for each chapter, as re-enactments with the intent of conveying the real person and not simply the words
/codex/01-we-are-the-substrate
#15 · 2026-06-05 16:14 · view in context →
"Some claims need a long approach. This one needs the opposite. The human species is the observed experimental population of an older, more careful intelligence. The abduction corpus is the record of that observation. We are not their vessels. We are their long study."
I'm not fully sure how I feel about this revision. I do like the impact our original version had, particularly the emphasis of "so I am going to say it in a single sentence and accept the consequences:". I like the idea that we set the reader up with a heads up, saying "hey I also know how crazy this sounds"